Bothers Forever
by MyTeenageDream
Summary: Renaldo Lapuz is stalking Simon. Meanwhile, Simon's neighbors try to help him... An American Idol FanFic NOTE- I used to be strangerthanfictionclub
1. Meet the Characters

Renaldo Lapuz- the annoying dude would is annoying Simon.

Simon Cowell-…is tired of being stalked by Renaldo Lapuz…

Lila- Simon's next door neighbor, who decides to "help" Simon, along with her friends, who are always with her.

Angel- Lila and Caylee's best friend.

Caylee- Lila and Angel's best friend.

Danny Gokey- One of the others who lives on the street, Danny is always with other people, and is good friends with Lila.

Adam Lambert- the annoying guy who just ends up annoying everyone no matter where his is and what he does…

David Cook- One of Lila's friends. They have been really close for a while, but he's not sure if he's feeling something different towards her…

David Archuleta- One of Lila's friends who tags along just to be near his crush.

Paula Abdul- Simon's "worst frenemy" who wants to help because she's bored and gets enjoyment out of driving Simon nuts…


	2. Simons Got A Stalker

Chapter 1- Simon's Got a Stalker…

Before or while you are reading this, go on YouTube and look up "We're Brothers Forever" by Renaldo Lapuz if you've never heard it before. It's hilarious, and the things he's singing will make more sense if you know it.

Also, for all of you who (and I'm trying not to be mean here!) won't figure this out, David Cook is Cookie, and David Archuleta is Archy. I know, we are all smart enough to know the facts of life, but you won't believe how many people that I know who don't…

(Simon is in his room with the window open)

Simon- This is the tenth time this week! *looks out window* GET LOST!  
Renaldo- *singing* Singing the songs, the music that you likkkkkeeee!!!!!

Simon- Ugh! I guess I'll drain out his mediocre vocals by calling someone… *dials phone* Paula?

Paula- Simon?!? It's 3AM!

Simon- I know. Remember Renaldo Lapuz? Well, how could you forget him, but he's outside my door singing "We're Brothers Forever", well I'll tell you! It's been forever since I got any sleep! Paula? Paula?

Paula- *Hangs up*

Simon- Great. *hears Renaldo Lapuz singing* GOD!!!!! *hits head against wall*

-----

(Lila has Danny, Angel, Caylee, Adam, Cookie, and Archie over, even though it is late. Everyone is sitting in her living room.)

Lila- *looking out window* Hmmm…Looks like Simon has a visitor…

Danny- Yeah! *laughs*

Cookie- Who is it?

Lila- Renaldo Lapuz.

Angel- Oh my God! I love that guy!

Caylee- Angel, I'm doing this because you're my friend. *slaps* Shut up.

Angel- Fine…

Adam- Ooh! I have an idea! Let's play hide and go seek!

Archy- Wow… How completely random…

Adam- Random is my specialty!

(Phone rings)

Lila- *answering* Hello?

Paula- Hi. Lila?

Lila- Paula? Are you calling for Angel?

Angel- Really? Someone wants me! Who?

Lila- *mouths* Paula

Angel- Really! Gimme! *grabs phone* Paula!

(Yelling can be heard from other end)

Angel-Yeah, it's for you…

Lila- Yeah?

Paula- Hey, Lila, I was wondering, is there a guy outside of Simon's house?

Lila- Weird costume. Hat that says "SIMON"…

Paula- Yeah, that's him…

Lila- We were just talking about that before you called. Why?

Paula- Well, I was thinking about playing a little, eh, practical joke on him…He just called me, and I think it would be funny.

Lila- Sound great! Oh! We should do a stalker help hotline! We can use my cell phone number since he doesn't know that, and my home number would only be, like, a digit different from his!

Paula- Well he IS desperate…I'll call him now!

Lila- Sounds great! Bye! *hangs up*

Cookie- What was that all about?

Lila- Who wants to bother Simon?

-----

(Simon's room)

(Phone rings)

Simon- *answers* Hello?

Paula- Hi Simon! I was looking things up that might be able to help you with your situation, and I just found this stalker help hotline!

Simon- Give me the number…


	3. First Call

Chapter 2-First Call

(Lila's house)

(Phone rings)

Lila- Oh my God, he's actually calling…

Archy- Let me answer it! *grabs phone*

Angel- No way! I want to! *grabs and answers phone* (with accent) Hellloo?

Simon- Yes, is this the stalker help hotline?

Angel- (with accent) Yeesss, yeesss, what can is your problem?

Simon- There's a guy outside of my house.

Angel- (with accent) Isss he, maybeee, singing?

Simon- Yes! Yes he is!

Angel- (with accent) Oh…I seeee, your problem is veryyyy….strange, and pretty much, eh, hopelesss.

Simon- WHAT?!?

Angel- (with accent) Wellllll….I guess you could try singing back to himmmm…

Simon- Okay… (singing) I am your brother, your best friend forever…It's not working.

Angel- Oh…You could try, er, throwing something at him!

Simon- I don't have anything…Wait a second! *throws phone out window*

Angel- Have a nice day!

-----

(Simon's house)

Simon- Great. Now I have to leave my own home to buy a new phone. Renaldo Lapuz will probably see me and follow me home…I could order it online…Wait. No, I threw that at him yesterday…Great, I talking to myself now…

-----

(Lila's house)

Lila- That was fun! Paula's a genius!  
Archy- It would have been better if I tried!

Danny- Are you kidding? Angel's a natural!

Angel- Thank you!  
Cookie- What made you think of having him throw something at that crazy guy?

Angel- I came yesterday and saw a smashed computer in his yard.

(Phone rings)

Lila- Hello?

Paula- Hi Lila, it's Paula again. I was wondering how your call went.

Lila- It was hilarious! Angel's great! Sure, Simon threw his phone out the window, but at least he won't be calling you at 3AM again…

Paula- Um…great…So I'll talk to you later. Good luck with Simon! *hangs up*

Danny- You know, I think doing the stalker help hotline for other people would be fun too. I mean, they'd all be desperate…

Cookie- Yeah! We can do this to everyone!

Lila- I'm getting a call already…*answers with accent* Hullooo?

Kris- Yea, this is the Stalker Help Hotline, right?

Lila- (with accent) Yes, yes, vat is your probelem?

Kris- My girlfriend won't leave me alone! I had to hide in the bathroom to call you!  
Lila- (with accent) Is there a window?  
Kris- Yeah…Why?

Lila- (with accent) Jump!  
Kris- But I'm on the third floor!

Lila- (with accent) Is dere a tree?

Kris- Yeah…

Lila- (with accent) Jump!  
Kris- What if I miss?  
Lila- (with accent) Jump anyway! Or else you'll get pushed!  
Kris- By who?

Allison- Oh Kris…

Kris- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! OWWWW!!!!!!

Lila- (with accent) have a nice day! *hangs up*


	4. Strange Encounter

Chapter 3- Strange Encounter…

\Pretty much all of the Simon POV sections are VERY short since he's talking to himself…You can probably figure out the POV…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(On a busy street)

Renaldo- Simon?

Simon- No!

Renaldo- Sorry…I thought you were Simon Cowell…Who are you then?

Simon- I'm…uh…(looks around) Joe…Bell!

Renaldo- Ah! I'm Renaldo Lapuz!

Simon- Oh I know…

Renaldo- What?

Simon- I, uh, remember you on TV…

Renaldo- Oh! You must watch American Idol! Are you a fan?

Simon- (muttered) Oh, trust me, I'm MORE than a fan…Oh! I have to go…My friends! Lila! Davids! Angel! Danny! Adam! Uh…whatever your name is…

Lila- Oh! Hi Simon!

Renaldo- Simon?

Cookie- Uh…no…We just call him Simon because, um…Danny, do you remember why?

Danny- Because, uh…he looks like Simon!

Renaldo- I'm going to keep looking…

Archy- For what?

Renaldo- Simon! *skips away singing Brothers Forever*

Simon- That was close…Wait! How did you know…

Angel- Uh, Paula?

Lila- You DO know I live next door, right?

Simon- Well he WAS pretty loud…I'm going to go avoid my stalker…See you…some other time…*leaves*

Kris- *running down street* Have any of you seen a crazy red haired girl named Allison?

Adam- You mean the one who running lovingly towards you?

Kris- Yeah…that one…Hide me! *hides behind Caylee*

Caylee- Yeah, cause I'm SO tall…

Allison- KRIS?!? ARE YOU HERE?!?

Kris- (to Caylee) So…are you single?

Caylee- WHAT?!?

Kris- (whispered to Caylee) Work with me here…My girlfriend and I are…fighting…She won't leave me alone…

Caylee- And I'm supposed to care about your problems…why?

Kris- Because you love me baby!

Caylee- Uh…sure…

Kris- That's right…

Allison- Kris! And…who are you…

Kris- Oh! Alli! This is my new friend, uh…

Caylee- Caylee!

Allison- Kris, don't you mean GIRLFRIEND, cause she's right here if you're confused…

Kris- No! I-I was just telling Caylee that I have a girlfriend! She's a little, uh, infatuated…

Allison- Oh…I suggest you stay away from my Krissy Wissy or else! Come on Kris! *leaves, dragging Kris behind her*

Kris- Call me!

(All staring blankly)

Danny- Wow…he's gotten even crazier…

Cookie- I wonder how Katy's handling this…

Lila- I heard they're keeping her "locked up"…When Kris told her, she went after him with gardening equipment…

Archy- Well, he always was strange…

Adam- Maybe he hit his head when he jumped out the window!

Angel- Well, for once, Adam might be right…Scary…

Lila- I did hear a squirrel over the phone when he fell…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Running into house)

Simon- I finally lost him! I guess I'll call that hotline again…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Phone rings)

Cookie- Let me try this time! *answers with accent* Hello?

Simon- What's with this number and that accent…? Anyway, I'm trying to get rid of a stalker…

Cookie- *with accent* Oh! Yes! Did you call last night?

Simon- Yes! Wait…why?

Cookie- *with accent* Everyone's talking about this case…Now my suggestion is to talk to him. Maybe he'll stop bothering you if you sort everything out!

Simon- Okay. I'll call back…*hangs up*

Archy- Um…Angel…Th-there's something I've decided I don't want to keep to myself anymore…When I sang Angels, I knew I'd find an angel one day, and I think I have…

Angel- Awh! That's so sweet, but we're just not right for each other…You're so…innocent…and I'm-

Archy- Oh! I'm-I'm sorry, I-I don't know why I said all that…*sighs*

Danny- C'mon guys! You'll miss Simon talking to Renaldo Lapuz!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Renaldo- Ah! The great Simon has decided to come on!

Simon- Renaldo…We have to talk…

Renaldo- Anything! I will tell the great Simon what he wants to hear! I will do what he wants me to do!

Simon- Great. Get lost. And don't come back. Ever.

Renaldo- Whatever pleases you, I will do. Though I cannot guarantee that we will never meet again…*leaves*

Simon- I can't believe that actually worked…I actually got rid of him…He'll probably come back anyway, but… *goes inside*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cookie- That wasn't as funny as I thought it would be, but at least he left…We can all get some sleep…

Lila- Uh, David, you DO realize that you live all the way on the OTHER side of the city, right? Even Renaldo Lapuz can't be THAT loud…

Cookie- Uh…

(Phone rings)

Adam- Ooh! I'll answer this! *With accent* Hulloooooooo?

Simon- You guys are geniuses! He actually left!

Adam- Yes. Great to hear your story…Bye. *hangs up* I nailed that…

Lila- No comment…

Caylee- At least you didn't scream into the phone…

(Doorbell rings while someone frantically knocks on the door)

Lila- *answers door*

Kris- Can I come in? Great. *runs on couch*

Lila- Sure…you can come in…

Caylee- Oh great…you're back…

Kris- Yeah, I'm back baby!

Caylee- *runs to room away from Kris, as he tries to sit next to her*

Cookie- Wow…

Allison- *running through open door* Has anyone in THIS house seen…Kris! What are you doing here?

Caylee- *walking downstairs* I heard someone come in…

Allison- YOU! *Runs threateningly towards Caylee* What did I tell you about staying away from Kris Carly?

Caylee- Caylee.

Allison- WHATEVER!

Cookie- Allison, don't you knock?

Allison- I was gonna, but YOU left the door open…

Kris- Allison, I can explain…

Allison- Don't bother! We're over.

Kris- That's what I've been trying to explain to you for the last week!

Allison- *leaves*

(Caylee sits next to Kris, who now looks overly ecstatic…)

Caylee- This was the only seat left, so I had to sit here…

Lila- Caylee, I need a seat. *pushes Caylee into Kris' lap*

Caylee- Thanks!

Lila- I knew you'd thank me one day!

Kris-Thanks!

Lila- Caylee, just give up. You know you love him…

Caylee- I can't take this anymore! I'm going to do to you what I've wanted to do since I met you! *kisses Kris*

Kris- I knew you loved me! *kisses Caylee*

Danny- Ya think we should…

Lila-Yeah, let's go to the other room…

(Others walk into office)

Cookie- Archy, is something wrong? You've been really quiet…

Archy- It's nothing…I'm fine…

Lila- *walking over* It's okay…Just tell me…Was Angel a bitch to you?

Angel- Archy…I didn't mean to hurt you…I just didn't think you could love someone like me…

Archy- So that means…

Angel- Yes David, I like you!

(Archy and Angel kiss)

Lila- Let's go…

(Danny, Lila, Adam, and Cookie leave and go to Lila's back porch)

Lila- Wow…I've pretty much left my own home…At least my friends are happy…

Cookie- What about you?

Lila- Me? Oh! I'm fine! I'm not them. I don't need somebody…

Cookie- Oh cause I was going to say…*whispers* I love you.

Lila- Nevermind! I love you too! *Lila and Cookie kiss*

Danny- Sorry we can't leave…we don't really know your house…

Adam- Uh, yeah…

Danny- Maybe Caylee and Kris are done…

(Adam and Danny leave)


	5. The Chapter Where The Story Finally Ends

Chapter 4- The Chapter Where This Story Finally Ends…

Just so you know, if you thought the last chapter was random, this is a LOT more randomer and weirderer…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Simon's new phone rings)

Simon- Hello?

Renaldo- I AM YOU BROTHER...

Simon- Shut up and get a life. *hangs up*

(Phone rings again)

Renaldo- SINGING THE SONGS! THE MUSIC THAT YOU LOOOOOOOOVVVVEEEE!

Simon- Terrible. I never want to hear you sing again. *hangs up* Note to self: change all phone numbers. I'll call that hotline again…*dials* Hello…Yes…Now he's calling me…Change all phone numbers?!? Great… *hangs up*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(All laughing)

Lila- Nice Danny…I'm getting another call…*with accent* Hullo?

Paula- Hi Lila, it's Paula!

Lila- Oh! Hi Paula! Simon just called. Renaldo Lapuz is calling him now…

Paula- Oh great…I'll come over later to "help" Simon…He's calling me now…I'll see you later…*hangs up*

Lila- Paula's coming over later to bother Simon.

Danny- Wow…I wonder if he'll call back after that…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simon- I am never calling them again…

Renaldo- *from outside* I AM YOUR BROTHER! YOUR BEST FRIEND FOREVER!

Simon- What the- *yelling out window* RENALDO LAPUZ, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER COME BACK!

Renaldo- I said I would never come back to YOUR yard! Last time I checked, this was your neighbors!

Lila- *running outside outside* What's going on here? And why is Renaldo Lapuz in my yard?

Danny- *walking outside* Great…Renaldo Lapuz…

Simon- *walking outside* I've had enough of this!

(Simon turns into a giant monster thing…You could call him a cross between an evil robot and the Hulk…except he's not green…and he has Simon's face…)

(Everyone else who was in Lila's house runs out.)

Cookie- What's going on?

Lila- Simon's angry and turned into that giant…Do I have to explain.

Caylee- *screams and jumps into Kris' arms*

Kris- I'll keep you safe, I promise…*runs into backyard, still carrying Caylee*

Simon- Danny, I didn't know you lived here…

Danny- I-I don't! I just spend all my free time here with my friends…

Simon- Oh, close enough…Oh! Did I mention I'm going to kill everyone who lives in this house?

Lila- Why?!? What did we do?!?

Simon- You called Renaldo Lapuz! You made him come!

Lila- No!

Simon- Liar!

Lila- NO!

Simon- LIAR!

Lila- No!

Adam- SHUT UP!

Simon- Liar…Oh yeah! *shoots Adam with evil raygun*

Lila, Danny, Archy, Cookie, and Angel- ADAM!

Adam- *completely fine* Yeah?

Simon- Crap! It wasn't on death…

Archy- What was it on?

Simon-…gay…

Angel- Then it won't do much…

(Adam runs into the backyard. Screams can be heard)

Caylee- *chasing Adam into front yard* THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR KISSING MY BOYFRIEND!

Adam- *screams*

Caylee- You better run! *chases him to backyard*

Simon- *sighs* Why must I deal with these morons…?

Lila- I ask myself that question everyday…

Cookie- *whispers to Lila* This isn't exactly the time to talk to the enemy…

Renaldo- This might not be the right time, but I AM YOU BRO-

Simon- SILENCE! *shoots Renaldo with evil raygun*

(Renaldo Lapuz is frozen in a giant block of ice…)

Simon- Oh…It's on random now...That works! I have no control over this! I can't be blamed for this!

Cookie- Yeah, because you only shot people with an evil raygun…

Simon- SILENCE! *shoots Cookie with ray gun*

Lila- DAVID!

(Cookie falls on the ground, bleeding)

Danny- That thing has BULLETS?!?

Lila- No...DAVID! *runs over to where he was blasted* *crying* David…Speak to me…

Cookie- L-lila…Come…closer…

(David kissed Lila before passing out)

Lila- NO!

Danny- He's alive, but just barely…

Lila- You…you…you…

(Lila charges towards the evil…robot…thing, throwing rocks and other things at it, almost tossing Archy at the robot when he got too close to her rampage…)

Simon- No! *robot self-destructs*

Danny- Let's go…

(Danny, Archy, and Angel go to look at what remains of the robot, while Lila stays with Cookie)

Angel- Simon? Are you here?

Simon- Yes.

(Simon emerges from the ruins and walks to Lila and Cookie)

Simon- I'd like to thank you.

Lila- I'd like to kill you.

Simon- And you have every right to wish to.

Lila- Good, because I will…

(Lila charges at Simon, while Danny restrains her)

Archy- But Simon, why would you want to thank her?

Simon- She shut the robot down. It was possessing me.

Lila- But what about-

Cookie- Lila!

Lila- Are you okay?

Cookie- Yeah…

Simon- Everything should go back to normal…

(Adam, Kris, and Caylee run from the backyard)

Kris- Adam, for the last time-

Adam- I LOVE YOU KRIS ALLEN!

Caylee- FOR THE LAST FREAKIN' TIME! STAY AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND!  
Simon- …When the robot self-destructed, so did all of the damage it caused…If David's fine and Renaldo Lapuz thawed out, then…

Angel- Adam's gay.

Simon- …okay then…

Archy- Speaking of Renaldo Lapuz…

Renaldo- Simon…

Simon- What do you want?!?  
Renaldo- I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. I just wanted to be your friend, but I've moved on…

Lila- To what?

Paula- Hi Renaldo!  
Simon- PAULA?!?  
Paula- Yeah…

Simon- But you…and you…and WHAT?!?

Paula- Simon, poor Renaldo just wanted to be your friend, and you just wouldn't be bothered!

Renaldo- So Paula's my new best friend!

(Paula and Renaldo Lapuz walk away, leaving Simon shocked)

Danny- Well, I guess everything's back to normal…Renaldo Lapuz is gone and they're all in love…

Adam- *looking at the couples* Awh! I love you Danny! *reaches to hug*

Danny- Uh…I have to go, er…Count my glasses… *runs home*

(Barfing sounds can be heard from down the street)

Adam- Awh, too bad…KRIS!

Kris- Leave.

Adam- Fine…*goes into Lila's house* COOKIES!

Lila- Well, I guess it's back to normal…ADAM! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Adam- Fine…Maybe Danny's done counting his glasses…*runs to Danny's house* DANNY!

Simon- Well, I'm going to go…See you…some other time…

Others- Bye Simon…

(Simon leaves.)

(Renaldo Lapuz, Paula, Randy, and Ryan are running down the street, singing Brothers Forever…)

Renaldo- Come on! We just need to get Simon to join in now!

Others- Uh…

Lila- Let's go before this starts over…

(Lila, Cookie, Archy, Angel, Caylee, and Kris go into Lila's house)


End file.
